alas, i found that i grew frustrated when several of my posts received no comments at all for months on end. most people would be all, yeah big deal whatevs, but not me. no, i was genuinely pissed that my readership (allegedly three individuals) were so small-minded that they did not deem my posts worthy of comment (i'm mocking myself here, i'm sure that all three of you are quite wonderful and have the most open of minds).
and so, in my pissedness (pronounced like blessedness), i would go for ages without posting, and when i did it was only when something truly profound was on my mind. even then, no comments.
and so i acks meself, why are these comments so important? the obvious answer is that comments = praise, praise = i'm awesome, ergo comments = i'm awesome. it can thus be deduced that a lack of comments is in direct correlation with a lack of awesomeness. and so to my poor heart each non-comment is a new level of sub-awesomeness.
but i digress. the purpose of this post is not to make you feel bad for not commenting, or explain how sorry for me you ought to be (although i'm sure that i have effectively done both, my apologies). no, the purpose of this post is to explain things that i have learned this year. it just figured i'd start with the thing most relevant to you, the reader. so the learning goes something like this:
sometimes God lays things on my heart to share by my pride keeps me from laying those messages on your heart. this must change. i think i'll start posting as often as i feel led, regardless of the quality or quantity of posts in which that results. i'll learn to deal with a lack of accolades, and maybe God will speak to you through me. or maybe i'll speak to you through me. you may even speak to yourself, but don't do it out loud or your brother will have you committed.
probably the most important thing that i've learned is the importance of my calling. in recent years it has become very popular (a friend used the word "trendy") to be all about fighting poverty, particularly in africa. thats a pretty awesome thing. but its something that i've seen taken a little bit too far. its been suggested to me that the suffering in africa is what is most important to God, and that if i'm not doing everything i can (in terms of my time and money) to alleviate that suffering, i'm somehow acting outside of God's will.
to that i say, "nay." you see, i think God sees all suffering as pretty sucky. and in my life, God has called me to help with a different kind of suffering, namely helping people in broken relationships and people who are suffering from mental illness. i'm psyched that God is using so many people to help fight poverty around the world, but that is not where i believe He has decided to use me in a direct way.
(this point in the post represents the period of time where i took something like a five hour break from writing to eat dinner and watch tv and stuff. the stuff below has a different tone, presumable because my mood changed. whodathunkit?)
at any rate, for a while there i was pretty insecure about my calling. what with all the cool kids being all about saving africa, i felt like i was behind the times. but i've matured a little bit, and its all good.
also, mac people are starting to bug me. am i right? it used to be that there were PC people who preferred using PCs and there were mac people who preferred using macs. there was no more animosity between the two groups than there is between coke and pepsi. but now mac people are like, whoa we are just so much dang better than PC people (i blame the commercials featuring justin long). it makes me not want to be a mac person no more. i was at the apple store the other day and i hear this guy, maybe late 30's talking to this saleskid. the guy is all, well hey i mean my current PC has all of these same features and specs, but it cost me like a thousand bucks less. the saleskid looks at him and goes, yeah well this is a mac. no other explanation. i wanted to puke.
ha there i go, getting all judgmental. but really, now. i use a macintosh computer. but i want no part of this 'mac revolution.' maybe i'm turning into an anti-anti-conformist. whatevs. i'm venting.
well errrrybody thats about all i've got. more posts in the future. you'll see. you'll alll see.
