10.31.2009

i know, i know

ok, three readers. we need to have a talk.

so here's the thing. i love to write. it's kind of one of my favorite things.

and i know you're probably way mad at me for not blogging very frequently in the past month.

but let's be real; life has been unreasonably busy.

and, unfortunately, that is not about to change.

you see, tomorrow will be november. that's right, november.

and we all know what that means.

it means another failed attempt to write a novel in 30 days as part of NaNoWriMo.

National Novel Writing Month.

ok i'm done writing this post in one-line bits. so here's where we're at. in all likelihood, you will not hear from me here until at least thanksgiving break. i know, i know, way sad. but take heart, with any luck, the 30 day absence will bring you a novel that you can purchase at your local bookseller (laughably unlikely)!

so how do you get your fill of my musings? i never i thought i'd say it but...

twitter. yes, twitter. why? because it is way too easy and it is the way of the future. you'd best jump on now and lock down your name before you have to be @janesmith854269. i know twitter is lame but it is easy and it works. i've got this app deal on my phone that updates twitter and facebook at the same time. oh dear, i'm turning into one of those guys. don't judge.

so..... @jimmytcochran. nothing exciting or fancy, just 140 character bits of me and my experience on an every other day or so sort of basis.

peace out for now. much love.

10.03.2009

obedience

note: listening to new RK album, and enjoying it very much.

i spoke.

perhaps this might seem odd to you, that i am talking about my own journey in this way, but hear me out.

i spoke.

many months ago i felt the proverbial tug on my heart. this tug had a voice, and that voice said, "why don't you go ahead and say something." and then God started to open doors. and the atmosphere that had once made me feel like i was breathing sulfur started to clear. and there was air there. clean air. and so i could move in that place.

i began preparing my heart. it didn't seem so hard to commit to something that was several months out, especially something like speaking at what was then known as worship jam. there was the fear that came with the knowledge that i would be speaking in front of a crowd. that was there. and that didn't really go away. and so part of me said, this is the cost of obedience. this feeling, this insecurity about public speaking, this is the cost.

nope.

then the school year began. and i had to start checking boxes and making time commitments. i had to start attending meetings. all of a sudden i was moving into that atmosphere i was telling you about before. i began to realize that the cost of obedience was higher than i had initially thought. but i was down.

and then some snags came. it became increasingly difficult to justify my involvement. i began to wrestle with my call. could it be that my initial desire to speak was born not of my obedience to the will of God, but of my own subconscious desire to assume a leadership role in a community? ought i to understand this resistance as God telling me i'm going in the wrong direction? or could it be...

that this is a test of obedience.

these ideas circulated in my head for a while, fighting, tearing, biting at each other. for a while i got kind of depressed. it was hard for me to find adequate motivation. but then i started to voice these this crap out loud. it didn't take long for my heart to find true north again. the verdict: a test in obedience.

so i hunkered down, prayed, and tried to develop the balls i would need to do the thing. i wrote me message, and on the first run-through it was about 25 minutes longer than it was supposed to be. whoops.

so i chopped it down, and a few hours later i did the thing.

and i'm not sure yet what i've learned. but i think it has something to do with obedience.

this album is crazy. go nuts.